It seems when you are at your wits end, God always pulls you through. For the past 4 months, I have cried more than I ever have. I am usually one of those that "sucks it up and moves on" but in this case I haven't been able to do that. I couldn't get the "big girl" panties on and deal with it.
God has shown me in recent weeks that if I don't see Him in something then I probably don't need to be involved. There is a huge difference in doing things "just to be doing" and doing things to further God's kingdom.
It is also very comforting to know that others go through this same thing. Even though you think your the only one who is going CRAZY!!!
Bless my husbands heart! He is such a wonderful person! Truly he is. Through all of this he has tried to help, listen and guide. All of this could have been just a really bad case of PMS, mid life crisis or a huge pity party.
It's a gigantic thing when you are shown that you are validated in cutting back on extra activites in exchange for some sort of order to your life and for you family. It is a huge weight off the shoulders!!
God is so gracious and compassionate! He has gotten us through our tough times in homeschooling, through the changes in the church and in our marriage. If there is anyone who thinks that we have it "all together" they are so mistaken. Even at 41, I don't know that I will EVER have it all together.
After coming to this realization I ran across this blog Heart of the Matter .
I want my children to be my ministry. I have heard it said before... but hearing it and putting that knowledge into practice each day... waking up with a burning fire to serve, honor, love, teach, help, and inspire... THAT is the kind of seriousness I want God to create in me. I want Him to remind me each day that I AM in the mission field... and that I AM affecting the hearts of my children with each word, each tone, each glance, each gesture... I want my feet to not stray or my mind to wander. I want strength, wisdom and patience... and to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is leading the way.
Heather puts it so beautifully. This is exactly what I have been thinking and feeling. I'm so glad that I have been given so many signs about my choices because most of the time, I miss them!
Have a wonderful week!
Dreama
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