Ok, I have to admit...I am bitter. Within the past 5 months, I have had "friends" and people I have known for a while who have really made me mad! First let me say, that I have probably made them mad also...there is always a 2 way street!
I have not be faithful in prayer or study. I have not had any desire to know God lately...sad, isn't it? It seems like I have to force myself to be "happy" so no one will know. Can you say "pretend to be religious". But aren't "preachers wives" suppose to be "happy and religious"? Isn't everything suppose to "picture perfect"?
In Hebrews 12:15, looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;
Oh My!! I have a NKJV Woman's study bible. I just got it and while "flipping" through it I found a commentary about bitterness-choosing resentment. Then I got to searching the Bible for answers on this subject.
Suffering does not automatically make a person stronger or better. The way you respond to suffering determines whether that hurt makes you better or bitter. I allowed this to make me bitter, I didn't respond well.
God had provided His grace to soothe in times of hurting. Refusing that grace creates an inner environment where bitterness can grow. It has grown and I have nursed it!!
At some point all of us, not just women will be wronged and will have to make the choice of how we deal with it. God provides His grace to help during these times. I, unfortunately have not given all of this to God and asked forgiveness for my part. I should be asking forgiveness for thinking that I could "handle" this by myself. I don't know why I think I can do stuff like this on my own.
Deuteronomy 29:18 (New King James Version)
18 so that there may not be among you man or woman or family or tribe, whose heart turns away today from the LORD our God, to go and serve the gods of these nations, and that there may not be among you a root bearing bitterness or wormwood;
I have nutured this bitterness and hurt for months. It has taken a toll on my mind, marriage and relationship with God. Bitterness can have far-reaching, long lasting and self destructive effects. Satan has enjoyed watching me suffer over this...
Lord forgive me for not relying on you for help. Help me to get past this and forgive those that have whispered against me.
Now...off to our Friday homeschool group have a wonderful weekend!!!
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